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Exhausted by that swordplay, the mind shifted to: Okay. Inside, confusion, storm. It was true, my mind had wandered off, off from ‘sharp’ and attentive. I wandered around the grocery store awestruck by the smells, colours, tastes, picking out ingredients to cook for future dinners. Next, Sensei points out some of the detail on the side of the float-in this case, a several hundred year old tapestry made by masterful artisans. Of all things that unearthed the old bones, it was a shopping expedition to the grocery store, a small communication lapse that triggered the storm of baggage clearing. This seems to be a serious lapse and direct contradiction to the core tenets of Arya Samaj. Since Arya Samaj cannot digest this fact, the Hindi translation if Pt. Over the past three years, I had earnestly attended Qapel and Sensei’s Zen and Chan courses and retreats. As Qapel and Sensei said about Vajrayana teaching in a recent meditation retreat on the 12 Manjushris: Not everything works out perfectly. 21 June International yoga day banner or poster with young couple sitting in meditation or lotus yoga pose on greensward. Couple of Healthy People Doing Yoga Asana or Aerobics Exercise Standing with Hands Up in Urban City Park, Sport Life Activity, Man and Woman Healthy Lifestyle.

Set of couple people doing yoga illustration. Much changed in the past couple of years, for the better; I had seen and admitted a lot of patterns I hadn’t clearly acknowledged before. I asked her if she’d felt hurt by me in the past. She asked if I knew the impact I had on other people-did I know how my actions hurt others? Numb, chest aching, I said, well, I have felt hurt by you, too. I have seen plenty of rock gardens prior to this… As we turn the corner, a Zen rock garden comes into view. Sensei stands slowly. I follow her into the meditation hall next to the zen garden. When our gentle time together in this tatami room comes to a close, Beautiful female yoga couple the abbott farewells us and we move on to visit the Zuihoin zen garden. This is a difficult position, particularly for women Teachers at this time in history. Another layer of this dynamic is how patriarchal history has appeared in Buddhism. Though great women peek through the Buddhist history books occasionally, think of the big spiritual names you know: The Dalai Lama, the 16th Karmapa, Namgyal Rinpoche, Sayadaw U Thila Wunta…

As spiritual practitioners, we can think we’re well beyond commonplace gender bias-of course I’m not a misogynist, I’m a holy, woke, feminist spiritual seeker! As a young person I heard stories of Buddhist nuns in Asia praying to be born as men in the next lifetime, for greater spiritual attainment. It was also where Beyond the Bump was born. Were you born to a mother? How do you appease and differentiate from mother? Memories of the young child in desperate and futile negotiation with mother. My mother was a good person doing the best she could. Yet, in the world of human form, physicality, conceptions, you are also all the time something of a mirage to this person. A mirage of their memories, hurts, previous perceptions. With my set of lenses, biases, hurts, looking at her as clearly as I can. So, when it comes to my interactions with women in leadership, a certain set of ping pong balls get set off.

If I have learned anything from having a female Teacher and a diverse sangha, it is that my ping-pong ball reactions set off, bouncing in all directions with every contact made between us. Some of my most painful moments in the Dharma have been with Sensei. But, dear friends, after 18 years of yearly, long meditation retreats, and constant training in the Dharma with very awake Teachers, I am of the opinion that there are places in my consciousness that are thick like mud, and that the filters we wear run very deep, for decades! The great boon of the seeking human consciousness. Often these treasures were acquired via the wealth and power of kimono merchants, whose prosperity during certain periods financed a great deal of the festival. Or great! On other days, nervous. Ṡrī Kṛṣṇa the hero of Yadus performed arcanā to the gods (dēvāḥ) and the brahmanas with mālyajapa (japa with rosary), namaskāra (obeisances with folded hands), fragrances and high praise. What does your hero(ine) do to navigate life and death? Through all of this, I see more clearly all the ways I have dismissed my female Teacher and the women in my life. Knowing what is, what has been, the ways we suffer, cannot be dismissed - as it is all making up the walls of the castle on which we are (a)mazing our way through - from which we stand upon to obtain a mightier view.